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Each vet's life is unique with their own memories of clients and their pets. Here are a few of my very happy memories that still bring a smile to my face. I wish I could remember them all.

An Embarrassing Male Problem

 

This happened a few years ago when dear Mrs Burberry visited with her Yorkshire Terrier Sparky. She had booked in Sparky that morning for a sore ear.

She quietly placed him on the table before me and explained that his ear had been bothering him. I inspected both ears that appeared fine and clean and continued with a full clinical examination which we naturally give to each patient and check the rest of its body. I happened to notice a very large pink protrusion under Sparky's belly and he did appear rather agitated.

After further awkward enquiries, Mrs Burberry finally admitted that Sparky had been terribly excited at the smell of their neighbour's Shih-Tzu that happened to be in season and had tried to mate anything he could comfortably fit on and he still had his penis (or his 'thing' as she mentioned in a hushed voice) visible after 3 hours. The sore ear had all been a ploy and she was obviously terribly concerned about her frisky little dog and did not know how to tell me!

Male terriers of all different breeds are incredibly well endowed compared to their tiny size. Paraphimosis (as the predicament is called that Sparky found himself in) can be very serious. The engorged penis swells to such a degree that it cannot return to its normal position - yes, all rather embarrassing for an elderly lady and her companion. The obvious solution was to have him castrated to prevent it happening again!

 

 

Lockjaw of a different variety

I have never forgotten Angus - 3 year old Cairn Terrier. He arrived at the clinic one morning with a very distraught owner as he was unable to open his furry mouth. We rushed him through to the back and together with 2 nurses, I prised his lips up, only to reveal pieces of what appeared to be papier-mache holding his teeth together. He sat very patiently as I scraped away with a dental instrument until eventually to his relief, his mouth opened.

I then removed a lump of bitten envelopes from his top palate. He had attacked the mail arriving through the door and the glue from the envelopes together with his excited saliva had had their final revenge!

Dogs are naturally territorial animals and Angus saw fit to attack anything that entered his territory. Postmen (or postlady as ours is) are unfortunately the most positive reinforcement a dog can get. They arrive at around the same time every day, your loyal pet barks and they go away again. Your happy dog then thinks it is all due to his faithful barking that he has left and this happens day in and day out just to reinforce this.

Where DOES that thermometer go?

This client left me unable to perform the simple task of taking her cat's temperature as I was so surprised and amused by her comment. With my thermometer poised, she watched me carefully lift her very treasured cat's tail and she said: "Be careful won't you, my cat is still a virgin?!"

Another very perplexed client phoned me once having seen him earlier in the day, and enquired: " When you said to put the eardrops in my dog's left ear, is that looking at him from the front or from behind?"

 

 

All in the accent

With a husband in the army, I have worked all over the UK in the last 12 years, including Northern Ireland. It took me a few months to get used to the lovely broad local accents and the new terms that owners would use. Suddenly a 'jag' was an injection and 'casting' meant moulting.

Just when I thought I finally understood them, I had one incident that left me confused but very amused. Ben, a black Labrador was booked in to see me with 'sore eye' written by his name on the computer.

I called him through with his farmer owner and at first glance, I noticed a hanging ear and 2 perfectly shiny button eyes staring back at me. I turned to the owner and prompted him with, "Ben is booked in for a sore eye but is it his ear that is the problem?"

With typical monosyllabic speech in his broad accent, the farmer nodded and replied, "Aye" - pronounced exactly as one would say 'eye', which left me quietly to chuckle to myself and set about looking at Ben's ear.

Another client in the same surgery brought in a very nervous 1 year Dobermann for his first adult vaccination. It was his first visit to the vet since he was vaccinated as a pup. Being a very bright breed and spotting someone in a white coat (I never like wearing a white coat for this reason but it was practice policy at this particular practice), he would not let me near him. The owner had other ideas. She turned to me quite seriously and said - it must be your different accent that he does not like!

 

 

Vet Student Days

My vet school days are rich with so many memories. One memory shall remain.

In our 5th year at vet school, we finally had the chance to put into practise all those years of theory and work on live animals. One of our rotations involved large animal medicine. I grew up in the city with very little contact with large animals, especially bulls.

A prize Charolais bull happened to be one of my patients during our production animal rotation. This meant that our very knowledgeable and strict lecturer dealt out treatment and we had to willingly oblige or fail the course. The ill Charolais bull was enormous and confined to a stable. I cannot remember exactly what illness he had, but I do remember that the treatment was very experimental as our vet school tried to pioneer new techniques. The bull was due to be slaughtered anyway as it was very serious.

I was in charge of giving him an enormous injection of antibiotic in his equally enormous muscled hindquarters. I knew little about bulls, but remember a lecturer telling us that horses kick backwards and cows kick to the side. I had no intention of finding out if this was true or not as I stood at the entrance to the stable and felt very small compared to the huge bulk of bull before me.

As I am not very brave and as I knew he was due to be slaughtered anyway, I took the huge syringe of thick pink antibiotic and bent down to squirt it down one of the drains outside his stable. Almost at the end of squeezing the thick paste through a small hole, and feeling terribly guilty for doing it; I felt my heart rate soar as a male booming voice echoed through the stable shouting, "What is going on in here?"

I noticed someone dressed in our standard green overalls and white wellies marching towards me. All flustered, I jumped up, imagining having to explain myself to our scary lecturer, only to see that it was my friend on the same rotation with a huge grin on his face at having caught me out. We still laugh at this incident together as he is now my husband of 14 years.

The Baker Family

This incident happened during my first few months as a qualified vet. This is a frightening time for any client as they trustingly bring in their pet and we basically 'practise' our new skills. It was even worse for clients in our first practice as my husband and I chose to practise our new skills in Zimbabwe in an area where we were the only vets for miles and had no one else to turn to but each other. The clients were thrilled to have us as there had been no vets there for quite a while, but one incident still makes me cringe.

The Baker family brought in their adult Rottweiler with a large salivary gland swelling under his chin. I remember them so well as a family as they were all rather, well....large. I cannot remember the Rottweiler's name, but having little success with anti-inflammatories and wanting to put our newly acquired skills to the test, we boldly decided to operate and remove the offending lump.

We dived in to remove the salivary gland, only to find that it is possibly one of the most difficult of procedures and requires specialised knowledge as a salivary gland has so many tiny ducts and the side of the head is full of valuable nerves and arteries. Too late though, we had to finish what we had started and we naively stitched him up and sent him home.

He returned 2 days later for a check up and as I stepped through to the waiting room to call the Baker family through, I shall never forget the sight before me. The family of 2 children and 2 parents would always sit in a row with their generous frames taking up all the space. As the main function of saliva is to digest food, it is a highly irritable substance. By cutting into the gland, we had unknowingly made his condition far far worse and he sat with his family with the most enormously swollen neck I have ever seen. We had turned him onto a clone of his owners! (He did recover many weeks later and we have never attempted anything like that ever again).

meerkat
 

 

Dead Canaries

Another tale to make you cringe. I cannot forget this client. He was a huge man with a long grey beard. He bred...of all things........canaries.

He came in one morning concerned that 4 of his birds in the aviary had suddenly died and he wanted to know what it could be. The best advice I could give, was to perform a post-mortem on one of the dead birds and send a sample off to the laboratory. We requested that he bring in a dead bird should more die.

He returned the following week and laid a little floppy yellow canary on the counter. The receptionist called me through as she remembered that I had dealt with him. I took a better history for the laboratory and asked how many birds he had and how many had died.

'I had 18 birds and 4 died' he replied.

'That makes 5 then' I answered (remembering that he had mentioned 4 birds previously that he had found dead).

'No', he replied, 'You requested a dead bird, so I killed this one this morning!'

How is Dinky doing?

I hope my husband will not mind me recounting this story. It always makes me (and my sister) laugh!

My husband and I had only been vets for about 4 months when Dinky came in quite literally on her last legs to see us. We had never seen a 19 year old Yorkshire Terrier before. Her owners brought her in in her little basket and she did look like a dog that was well past the age she should be. She was blind, deaf, and when placed gently on the table, her 4 little legs just spread-eagled out beneath her. They were unable to feed her as she could not stand anymore to eat.

We all agreed that humane euthanasia was the best option and they left Dinky with us. We put her to sleep quietly and I wrote a letter of condolence to the owners as Dinky really was such a remarkable little character.

A week later, the owner arrived to collect Dinky's basket. I noticed him immediately and busied myself getting her basket and blanket together at the back. My husband (being new to the job and well being...male), did not recognise the owner at all. He had heard me mention that I was going to fetch Dinky's basket and trying to be the new caring young vet in the town, he casually leaned on the counter and said to the owner, 'So how is Dinky doing?'

He wanted the floor to open beneath him when the owner replied equally casually, 'Oh, you put her away last week'!

robin
 

 

 
     
 
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